Week 7: The Lonely Cat

Once upon a time, there was a cat who wanted to explore the world. She spent days upon days dreaming about far away lands, thirsty for adventure. One day, adventure came knocking on her door.

Despite her fearful nature, she took a leap of faith and went on this whirlwind of a journey, not knowing what the future would hold for her.

At first, her adventure was hard to adjust to. There were so many little things that became bigger things. Like not being able to eat the same food she was used to. This kitty had to completely change her diet and what a shock was it to her (and her body). The memories of delicious food visit her in the dead of night and the world taunts her with all the foods which she cannot have.

This was rather minuscule compared to the bigger problem she had. You see, our kitty began to feel very lonely in this new place. Everything felt so different to her.

It wasn't that our kitty didn't have other kittens to play with. She did and she liked them, but you see, the kitty just felt different - a kind of out of place where the number of people in her life didn't matter, she needed something else. This new place was scary. She hadn't felt this kind of lost for a very long time.

She spent many hours wandering aimlessly, almost regretting her decision to go on this adventure. "Are these lonely nights worth the experience?" she wondered. She knew that regardless of where she was in the world, change would have come to her - she had not needed to be in a different place.

She felt ungrateful, thankless and ashamed by her thoughts.

When she was feeling at her lowest, a familiar friend came knocking her her door. Knock knock knock. 

Surprised to see her old friend Appa, she embraced him in her arms. "Why did you come here?" she asked.

"Because you needed me to be here." The kitty laughed at her friend's gesture but the truth was, she did need him. Appa became her beacon of hope.

All of the sudden, our kitty began to feel happy. Her regrets turned into lessons, her ungrateful turned to thankfulness and her heart felt full. She felt stronger and even began to embrace the food. With Appa by her side, she could take over the world. She told Appa that had it not been for him, she doesn't think she could have made it through this experience. She would have been so lonely.

Appa looked at her and laughed. "Silly cat," he said, "how could you have ever felt alone when I've been here with you all along?"

With the biggest smile on her face, the cat said "Of course, how silly of me."

Until next time.

-Ko.

*Appa is from my one of my favorite TV shows, Avatar: The Last Airbender. Totally worth checking out!

Week 6: Big Houses, Empty Dreams

Sometimes I forget that I am living in dreams created by other people. 

Someone else's vision: a combination of their sweat, commitment, pain, hurt, happiness, life and stories. Someone else wrote this script, I was just making it come to life. 

When I first moved to the house I wrote about in my first entry, I didn't realize what I was stepping into.

I would soon learn that the house took 17 years to built, an idea that blossomed into a reality after what would feel like an eternity.

Between loans, work, and many detours, each little detail felt like a big accomplished. Patience was a lesson learned.

And before he knew it, the house was finished.  I wonder if I could ever be so committed to something. I am envious of his dedication.

Joyous as he was, to complete his dream, he needed people to live in and rent his place.

The house was his script. All that was missing were the actors. This is where yours truly comes in. And then this is also where yours truly leaves.

Yesterday I moved out of that house and now am living in a new place. I cannot say which one I like better but I feel more at home now. Mostly because I like small beds. I will never understand the fascination with big beds. But this is not about beds. 

In the echos of people's absence, I wonder what my former landlord thinks about his dream. I wonder if he ever regrets giving up so much of his life to build that house. I wonder if he regrets creating dreams that are dependent on the presence of other people. I wonder if he feels a sense of loss. That is what I think I would've thunk if I was in his place. Maybe it is a good thing that I am not.

In the end, what do the totality of our efforts amount to if the pieces we need always go missing?

Just some big houses with empty dreams waiting to be filled.

Until next time,

-Ko.