Goodbye

It has almost been a month since I've been back. I wish I could tell you exciting tales of me going on crazy adventures but then I would be lying. Truth is, I've been sick for most of my time back.

To give you an idea of how sick I've been - I went for a family vacation this week and took ONE picture. Wait, I didn't even take it. My brother took it. It was of this evil humongous black crow that looked like it was going to eat my soul and kept following me as I was trying to use the rest room. I am on to you bird.

Moving on.

Life back home has been nice (despite some gong-show realness here and there). Being back home just solidifies for me that my family is made of some of the most selfless people I know. I've had some troubles in the last few weeks and to see all of them give themselves to me without a second thought of how it would impact them has made me shed a tear or two.

It made me think how I lived without this kind of love for 6 months. Then again, when my laptop broke down in Saint Lucia in my first 3 weeks there, my family sent me a laptop immediately without any consideration for money. They just wanted to make sure I was okay and could talk to them through skype.

Yup, my family is all kinds of awesome. And they are demanding in their requests for food.

Despite being sick, I've been cooking a lot. I've made my hakka noodles, chicken meatballs stuffed with bocconcini cheese in a homemade pasta sauce, chicken dumplings, italian apple cake (lasted 3 minutes, I kid you not), tiramisu, shakshuka, mexican hashbrowns, carrot halwa and the list goes on.

I feel like everyday, someone asks me "Hey Ko, can you cook this?" "Hey Ko. I haven't had this in 6 months, can you cook this?" I think it's funny that while I was missing my mom and dad's cooking for 6 months, my family was missing mine.

I've seen some of my friends.Thank you for all the wonderful kindness and your love. I will get around to seeing all of you once I am feeling 100%. I just ask, please don't spoil me so much. I am just happy to see you!

A lot of people have commented on how I've changed and have not changed at all. My good friend A. told me that I just seem more grown up and happier. This was before I busted out my bunny ears. Her response was "somethings never change." I just don't understand how someone cannot indefinitely feel better after putting on bunny ears. It's like a super power.

Those of you wondering, my cat is doing fabulous. She wakes me up every morning by meowing outside my door as though she is going to die if I don't open the door. She gets her dramatic nature from me, clearly.

Naturally there are times when I miss Saint Lucia a lot. I have been working on a Picaboo album about my Saint Lucia internship and it makes me super nostalgic looking through pictures. It feels very therapeutic putting together this album. It makes my experience feel that much more alive.

Anyways, I will end my babbling now with this last piece. I want thank ALL of you who have read this blog and read all my entries. I have been so touched by many of your comments and have been so pleasantly surprised by some of you telling me that my blog changed you in some ways. From the comments on pictures to e-mails on content, I have enjoyed it very much.

It helps me connect with both my family in Saint Lucia and my family in Canada. For this, I feel very blessed. 

Like all good things, I believe it is the time to end this blog.

I hope everyone the best in the coming year and if this year has taught me anything - let's take more risks in 2014, do things that make us happy and let the universe work its magic. Life has surprising ways of bringing happiness to our lives.

Farewell my friends!

-Ko.

(p.s. If you really want to keep reading my ramblings, I have a personal blog! Just shot me a message on FB or leave me a comment here and I will send you a link).

Week 26: Not Ready

In one more week, I will be boarding an airplane to go to the place I've called "home" for the last 11 years of my life.

My home is filled with the people I love the most, the places that are comfortable to me and a context where I always know who to be. My home is filled with happiness and pain, laughter and anger, excitement and regret - like just any other home.

My home is where I feel the safest and feel the most scared. Safe because I have so many things to protect me and scared because of all the things that hold me back.

In many ways, it feels like a dream; my mind can trace the shapes, characteristics and outlines of people and things but none of it feels tangible. Its existence does not transcend itself into my reality.

Everything will feel different because I am different. I see my home with new eyes and I'm not sure if I want to run to it or run away from it. Regardless, it is the inevitable, a truth that was destined for me from the beginning.

I was not naive enough to think this was going to last forever but was escapist enough to think that time would wait for me.

In Saint Lucia, I have found a new home. It is a little smaller than what I am used to, does not come with my car, my kitty or my beautiful family and friends. The food does not make me feel nostalgic for my mother's cooking and the cat calling makes me thankful for reserved Canadian men.

But despite its small size, it's given me room to grow into a better person, opened my heart to people I did not think my heart could open to and gave me more people to love.

It taught me lessons I did not think I was ready to learn and gave me the courage and strength to move forward from myself. I showed me that I could be as open as I could be protective.

I will not tell you that my experience has been perfect because it hasn't. It has been filled with fear, disappointment, hurt just as it has been filled with thankfulness, happiness and fulfillment.

In one more week, Saint Lucia is going feel like a fleeting memory, as though it was just a dream. A dream where my mind can trace the shapes, characteristics and outlines of people and things but none of it will feel tangible. Everything will feel far away.

In the end, I do not know if I am ready to leave. I have found too many things to love.

For this, I am incredibly happy and so incredibly sad.

Until next time,

-Ko.

Week 25: Started from the Bottom and Now We're Here

On the day of my hike of Gros Piton, I woke up in the morning not feeling like P.Diddy. Case in point:

Instead I woke up feeling something that resembles something brown and smelly - I could go into more detail but I'll spare you my disgusting commentary for now. Instead, let me let you feel sorry for the fact I had to wake up so early on a Saturday. The things I do for adventure. 

I wanted to get to town early so I could finally taste this apparently magical cocoa tea that is always sold out by the time I get to work (around 9:30). I have had so many failed attempts at coming early to drink this stuff. The vendor was so happy to see me (because he pities me and all my attempts) and gave me cocoa tea for free. Was it worth getting to town at 6:15am in the morning? Yes, yes it was. My bake (deep fried bread) made it all the better. Nom Nom Nom. Every morning needs to be this way.

Here is a picture of one of the vendors. Dashing fellow, don't you think? 

And a lovely assortment of spices beside his shop. (Some of you lucky birds are getting these as presents!!!) 

Cocoa tea? Check. Bake for breakfast? Check. Met up with friends (V. & M.) to get ready for my grand adventure? Check. Gros Piton, I am ready for you! Goodbye Castries and hello south of the Island. (side note, it takes the same amount of time to get to the opposite end of island that is takes to go to Banff from Calgary! Just to give you an idea of how small the island really is). 

Here is the picture of the pitons. At this point, I slightly begin to regret my decision of wanting to climb Gros Piton. It's the mountain furthest away from where I was standing. Are you thinking I'm crazy at this point because I'm thinking I'm crazy at this point. Then again, there are people who always think I'm crazy. That is another blog entry. Moving along. 

I knew that I needed a lot of fuel to keep me going so I made sure to pack lots of questionable snacks...and most importantly, Choc-nut Milk. Choc-nut milk needs to come to Canada. I don't care if it needs to become an underground black market, this needs to become my reality. Who wants to make this happen for me? Fish Cakes, I am looking at you (hehe). After I saw my snacks, I thought to myself "I CAN DO THIS, I GOT THIS. YEAH BABY." 

This mentality didn't last long. When we got to the Piton and began climbing. I thought I was prepared, I felt like I was on top of the world but half way through, I was...well, to put it nicely, a hot mess. See for yourself. Kind of wanted to die at this point. More than kind of. 

Of course my friend V is going at the speed of light and I'm huffing and puffing behind her. How can someone make it look so easy? It's not fair. 1 hour and 10 minutes and some 2619 feet above sea level later, we made it to the top. If I wasn't with V, my time would not have been this good. And my shoes probably would NOT HAVE BEEN THIS DIRTY. 

But who cares about dirty shoes?! WE MADE IT TO THE TOP! V., M. and I made our victory song "Started from the Bottom." A little dance party deserving ensued. I DID THIS BABY. With an injured knee and minimum complaining. Feeling all kinds of rockstar good about myself. 

I practically climbed a Titan. Cronus ain't got nothing on this beast. Just look at this thing! (I am being dramatic, but what else is new?)

The hike back down felt longer despite us taking less time going down. Probably because we didn't take many breaks. We were very serious about this. 

Here is the crew! M., V., our guide and moi! 

For all my hard work, I think I deserve an ice lolli! Peanut flavour is the way to go. (Ice lolli is frozen creamy flavoured milk in a plastic bag. You cut the tip off and you suck and chew the yummy ice cold stuff). 

While I needed an ice lolli, M. got extra refreshed with some natural water. This is the way to live life if you ask me. 

Goodbye Piton! You have been conquered. Time to drive to Fond Doux Plantation for some delicious lunch. The drive there was spectacular. 

We were so tired at this point but arriving at the plantation made me feel excited. Probably because it meant I was closer to more delicious food. 

How do you NOT get excited when you come to this place? 

You know what made it even better? I met a cat but it wasn't a nice cat...either way, I met a cat and therefore, my day was indefinitely better. Yay for cats! 

After eating lunch, we walked around the area for a little bit. It was fairly empty which meant I could take more pictures! I love taking pictures without people haha. It's like the Gods were listening to me that day - they knew I needed a good photo op day. 

You get what you ask for, right?

After our tummies were full, legs were sore and getting a minor heart attack from V. almost losing her wallet, we made our way down to Sandy Beach and saw this total badassery of a van along the way. I wish I could have gotten out of the car to take pictures but then I might have extended our trip by an hour or two. Rust gets me more excited than it should. 

Then again, I was on my way to a beach so I can't complain. Rust, I will find you in other ways - for now, I need to enjoy the view.  

The breeze was so lovely. I don't think I could have felt any happier if I tried. Great food, great company, great adventure. Life should always be this good. 

Living in a beautiful country helps too.

The night ended with stopping at the Morne for a view of Castries. Great conversations and bonding happened in this place. A few hours here and then we were on our way home. Thank you for such a great day V and M! 

Needless to say, I crashed when I got home. Despite being so tired, I wish I could live this day all over again. I am excited for my remaining adventures in this country. Saving the best for last! 

Until next time, 

-Ko.